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buildings with a hundred floors,
spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.

entries about ask links



breakaway
Tuesday, October 14, 2008 // 6:00 AM

I SUCK :D
There's nothing that could be more embarrassing than being screamed-at on a wall and I'm completely feeling demoralised.

Why am I staying in something that I am not good at?
Why am I staying because I think that I can't go nowhere else?
& mostly, why am I staying when I felt that I'm losing all of my
interests?

Why oh Why oh Why? I just felt that I don't deserve where I am suppose to be right now, I felt that I am no elsewhere near good. I've always been different from the rest, I've been always tried to do things my way when it doesn't work. At first, I started to gain my love for this, I tried my best in the best way that I could and yes, I got a little better, just a little. A slight improvement I must say. But when it comes to being ticked off by someone, I just can't be possibly go on any longer. & now everything is going down the drain, somehow I just lost my hopes. I can do stuff WITHOUT being screamed at , getting ticked off is okay but I can't stand someone screaming at me. I don't know why, I'd get nervous and be all wobbly, which means I can't do things correctly.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so in love with the sport, it has its own unique abilities, look how beautiful it is suppose to be, it is something that can be the most wonderful thing that you could have ever seen. Maybe like a beautiful dance on a wall instead of stage, its simply miraculous. I loved it and please, I do not hate it. Maybe something or someone or some incident just made me lose all the inner strength in me, making me think I'm a bad climber, making me think that I just can't go on & especially, making me think that I'm a total failure in EVERY single thing I do. & the only word thats flashing in my mind is QUIT. But ofcourse I can't do that, its something that I love, something that I know that I'd miss without doing it and I know I can't give up just yet. Its just that, I felt that I don't deserve to be where I am suppose to be now, I tried and tried but maybe rock climbing isn't the sport that I should be doing. Every single beautiful seniors and juniors there are AWESOME climbers, none of them are bad but its just that the better ones are just better that maybe some people think they are bad. No offence. Hey, maybe you're good and maybe you can do this and that but not everyone have all the strength to do something that you can do right? Everyone's different, and everyone have their own specialty.

I can't bring this topic any longer,
next post please.