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buildings with a hundred floors,
spinning 'round revolving doors.
baby i don't know where they'll take me.

entries about ask links



breakaway
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 // 3:55 AM



I'm in a dilemma.


Waking up early in the morning just as usual. Walked to school like there's nothing. I even had the time to sleep during physics but PE was when all it came. I was talking and laughing with Fyeza, Khaira and Hani, when a text message came in. It was from Mum, said that Nenek collapsed in a sudden. & I thought it wasn't that serious. Another text message from Mum came in and this time it read : Nenek dah meninggal . I didn't know what to do, I called her and rushed to the General Office to get an approval of leaving school for the day. Mel and Naf gave me the warmest hug before I went off, telling its all going to be alright.

Once I stepped into her ward, she was already covered by a blanket while my cousins were pouring out their tears in school uniforms too. I don't know why I can't accept her death eventhough I have to, and I am trying right now. I didn't expect that it will turn out like this, I thought she was going to be well, laughing and talking to us again. But it seems that it just ends.

Currently I am at Irah's house, we tried to keep ourselves happy last night and getting ready for today. Almost whole of the Rasidi family slept over and we had difficulties picking our spot for sleeping in the living room. & trust me, it was chaotic. And as obvious as it is, ofcourse I'm not going to school today as nenek will be buried today. I must be ready, to be ready for this ceremony. To face this heart-wrenching situation later on. I must control my tears, I just have to.

For now, besides the rest of the day, I don't know what to do and Syura's here is glaring at my computer screen . I'm just glad that cousins are here with me, to cheer me on and also look forward. & what took so long for people to bathe?! Grr.

I am going to miss your kisses that you used to give me,
your hugs when I need comfort,
your smile when you're happy,
your laughters when you're in a good mood,
who's going to cook the Cousins' all-time favourite Ayam Masak Merah, Nek?
Its different if not you're the one cooking.

I miss you Nenek ..we all miss you.

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